Famous last words

Alternately titled: "I can read the water."

 As promised in the previous blog, the story of what can go wrong when the wifey questions Jeremiah.

Not to embarrass my husband -I do love him after all- and I can't say for sure, since events did not unfold any other way, that it would not have gone as it did if in fact I didn't say anything and just let sleeping dogs lie. But the fact is, things went the way they went, I said what I said and his quote, "I can read the water" has gone down in history as one of those ones like, "You pulled a (insert name here)".

Generally, I am a cautious person. I HAVE KIDS! I am a mom and I don't like people getting hurt or spending money to repair broken things for idiotic mistakes. My husband, on the other hand, is generally a chance takin',  optimistic, thrill seekin', mud flinging, big engine, four wheel drive liking kinda guy. I don't blame him. If I were a man, I probably would too. But, I am not and therefore, when I see thrills, I see blood. When I see mud, I see a lot of cleaning work! When I see big engines and 4-wheel drive, I shake my head...especially if I see my husband BEHIND the wheel of said vehicle. I will say though that I trust his driving more than anyone else's. I know he knows how to drive in the mud an snow. He grew up with all that! Many years later and I think I am safe in saying I believe he used to take his brother's Honda out to go muddling in. If his brother didn't know that by now, my apologies to both my husband and him. It's water under the bridge right? How fitting I should say that given  the nature of this story.

That said, several years ago while we were still living in El Paso, Rachel couldn't have been much more than a year old, we had gotten a massive amount of rain. Jeremiah, being the thrill, mud, big engine and 4 wheel drive loving dude that he is, decides he's gonna take the family out for a drive in the F350. Everything is fantastic, it's a lovely Sunday afternoon, the desert smells fresh and clean. And then, he does it! He leaves the paved road. Now, let me tell you, our house backed up to a VERY large wash. They don't build hoses there for a reason! We were driving the road north towards New Mexico and he left the paved road...to go onto the sand...into the wash...the one that houses are forbade to be built in! The one with signs along the bridge warning of flash flooding! In doing so, I told him I didn't want to leave the road. If you are not familiar with deserts, especially deserts after the rain, chances for flash floods are extremely high! No mind, he tries to convince me it'll only be for just a little bit and everything will be fine. More famous last words.

Now, I don't consider either of us stupid people. I think we're fairly well in tune with the ways of the world. Anyone who knows me knows that I am fairly outspoken, honest and blunt. It's not as if I just let my husband walk all over me so I am sure you are wondering why I was not putting my foot down. Well, the thing is, sometimes I do tend to like to try and trust my husband's judgment. Sometimes it works out, other times, not so much. 

The river, that normally doesn't even have a visible trickle of water in it, is at least 10 foot wide and who only knows how deep. It doesn't look deep but as he's driving towards it I am thinking to myself, "Self, surely he's not going to cross that. No, he'll turn here pretty soon and we'll get up to the main road.". Meanwhile, he's not turning and we're still going directly towards the mini Mississippi. I think, "He must see that right? Because, we still haven't turned and there's no way he's considering crossing that!". Ahhh, well, wishful thinking! I didn't open my mouth until we were about 3 foot away from the ledge of that 'river' when I finally said, "You're not going to try and cross that are you?????". Jeremiah, ever so sweetly and confidentially said, " I can read the water. It's fine, we'll make it."

I told him-and I am pretty sure I was cursing at this point too- "There is NO WAY IN HELL you are going to make it, for one, and for two, there is NO WAY IN HELL, you are taking me and our baby across it in this vehicle. LET US OUT!". A little argument ensued, he insisted he can read the water and that everything will be fine. Finally, I said we are getting out and he can do what he wanted to do. I slid out, got Rachel out of her car seat and we stood there on the bank and watch the 'reading the water' unfold.

Have you ever, like, known something was going to happen, watched it happen in your head, witnessed it happen in real life, but then, couldn't believe what you just saw? Yeah, that's pretty much what happened.

I'll stop here and say that Jeremiah blames me! HE BLAMES ME for all of this. He said if I had just not said anything, if he had been allowed to gun it, not started the plunge from only 3 foot away, I wouldn't even be telling this story. Of course, I think differently because it's not like once we jumped out he couldn't have backed up and just forgot the whole crazy scheme  altogether or even backed up enough for more momentum. He said at that point he was committed because the front wheels were already sinking in the sand. You know, never mind that he could have backed up in 4 wheel drive or put something under the front tires, as I am sure there was piece of wood laying about. But nonetheless, the following happened: I am sure you've already guessed that he got stuck. And not only did he get stuck, he SUNK! Our F350's cab was now flooded with at least 5 inches of water and sand and turtle and rabbit crap!

Rachel and I watched from the shore and my husband had to 'Dukes and Hazard' it out of the window, up onto the hood and jump to the other bank. There have been a few times when I have felt like committing murder, very few, but this was one of them.

I don't think I said anything while he called our neighbor to come pick us up. I am pretty sire I didn't say anything the entire way home because I was so spitting mad my words may have turned into a bullet headed straight for somewhere. The neighbor's husband and Jeremiah took off on Jeremiah's Ford Ranger. That was his plan to try to get the truck out. I was speechless. I don't remember if I questioned him out loud- this plan to use the FORD RANGER to pull out a STUCK F350-but it was no surprise when they came back about 2 hours later, covered in mud & turtle & rabbit crap in the same vehicle they both left in...and no F350.

I mentioned that perhaps the neighbor down the road with a tow truck might be able to get it out. Ahhhh, now there's an idea! While they were gone with that neighbor I called my Mom who was visiting cousins. I am sure they just thought it was hysterical but I was still so spitting mad at that point. This plan for 'reading the water' sure turned out a lot differently than I am sure he envisioned it happening. He probably envisioned all three of us slip sliding, mud flinging, engine revving, 4 wheel drive engaging it through that silly old trickle straight to the other side. Yeah, he probably would have gotten some flack from me on the other side once safe and sound, but that was okay because it was a thrill!  Tthe best laid plans, right?

So, another couple hours later, a case of beer (as payment to the tow truck owner, not for their thirst, or maybe it was, I don't know), some very tense moments (because even the tow truck had a REAL hard time gettin' 'er out) later, and she was parked, sopping wet and disgusting, in the drive way.

That husband of mine, I am sure he can tell you what a great gal he's got. Because, there I was the next day, helping remove seats and flooring, shoveling sand and scrubbing turtle and rabbit crap out of it. To this day, I question his ability to 'read the water'. He knows that while he may catch some flack for not listening to his wife, she's gonna be there by his side instead of murdering him. Mind you, I am sure at that point I got my words in and as punishment and I don't let him forget what happens when he tries to 'read the water'. I like to think occasionally he really does heed my advice but still to this day he has not learned to stay the heck away from situations like that because last year he got the backhoe stuck in the pond twice and both times I pulled him out and he managed to get both vehicles stuck in the snow just to see what would happen if he could get out! A neighbor rescued him there with the tractor. Great job honey, you continue to read the water, I'll continue to love you despite.